Cheese pizza sounds really good right now.
Even though sex is freaking great, it can feel almost impossible to turn off your brain even in the hottest scenario. Seriously, the focus on the deed at hand can go AWOL long before your bra does. Fortunately, handy tricks like lubing it up, focusing on foreplay, and talking dirty can help you keep your head in the game—instead of, you know, randomly remembering to call your grandma back. Boner killer.
But because thoughts about calling your grams, tackling that work project, and about a bajillion other things always seem to pop into your head at the worst time, we bring you 10 not-so-sexy thoughts we’ve all probably had during sex.
1. Does My Stomach/Butt/Face/Nose/Elbow Look Fat?
We aren’t saying you should dance to Beyoncé’s “Flawless” nude in the bathroom mirror until you can accomplish this, but…actually, yes, that’s exactly what we’re saying. He was probably turned on by the way you pressed the remote. Trust us, he is in heaven being naked with you. Men definitely don’t focus on women’s perceived flaws, especially when they’re admiring the view.
2. I’ve Got to Schedule a Haircut
Sure, you’ve got a bit of a split-end village on your head, but what’s another week or so with stressed strands and bangs so long they impair your vision? You’re going to have sex hair in about 20 minutes anyway.
3. Why Does He Look Like He’s in Pain?
O face or oh-dear-god-this-hurts face? It’s hard to tell. If we didn’t know any better, we’d think sometimes they’re clenching through an old sports injury flare-up, not getting busy with a beautiful lady.
4. Am I Sleeping with Him Too Soon?
Nah, girl. You do you.
5. I Wonder if Those Brown Suede Booties with the Fringe Are Still at TJ Maxx? If you’re thinking of those kicks long after you left the store, it’s a sign. Those boots belong on your feet…as soon as you wrap up this sexual encounter, of course.
6. Mmm, Cheese Pizza Would Be Amazing Right NowFood fantasies are totally legit. Being famished can be par for the course during intercourse (we couldn’t resist). Maybe you can work this pizza thing into foreplay? Just sayin’.
7. Bernie Should Just Be Hillary’s Running Mate
How can you not contemplate who you’re going to vote for in 2016 during an all-American hump fest? ‘Merica!
8. Did I Take My Birth Control This Morning?
Oh sh*t. Abort mission. Find condom. Resume mission. Phew.
9. Ruh-Roh. I Never Sent My Boss That Revised Plan. Pick Up the Pace, Dude!
This task would literally take less than a minute, but you probably can’t relax until it’s done. If you’re planning to e-mail it at 12:03 a.m., what’s the harm in waiting until 12:15—unless you and your partner are some kind of superhuman sex marathoners. If that’s the case, we salute you, and it’s totally your call on whether you should halt the festivities until your work obligation is finished (or you are).
10. Oh, That New Netflix Show Started Streaming Today
Maybe you should Netflix now and sex later. Isn’t that what Netflix and chillin’ means anyway?
All gifs courtesy of giphy.com.