♫ Started dating less and making out more. ♫
If you are a woman in her 20s, and you do not currently have +/- three crushes, you are wrong. Having a crush — or better yet, having a fleet of crushes — is the best, and it’s especially the best when you’re a grown-ass woman. Like Fran Hoepfner puts it, “as a teen, having a crush was a very serious thing,” but having a crush in your 20s? Pure bliss. All pros, no cons, baby.
Before I get into this, let’s first define what a crush is, because it’s a very specific thing. Crush feelings are exhilarating, slightly-nervous-but-never-anxious feelings you get when you’re in the vicinity of a hot person. A crush is someone you want to kiss. An ideal crush is someone you just kinda see around casually. You can have a long-con, slow-burn-type crush on someone who’s always at your friend Rob’s parties, or a brief crush on the person who sat next to you for three stops on the train. “But I don’t even know that guy, he’s just a stranger on the train,” you might say. Who cares! Do you want to put your mouth on his mouth? Yes. He is your crush. Here are 11 reasons why you should have as many as possible.
1. Relationships require work and patience, crushes only require a stirring desire to make out. Life is a shitshow in your 20s. If you aren’t busy trying to find a job, you’re probably working in one that takes most of your time and all of your energy. At the end of a long day, you don’t want to have to argue with your BF or GF about who’s apartment you’ll sleep in that night. What you actually wanna do is some good, old-fashioned tongue tusslin’, you know, swap some spit, mack a little. Kissy kissy. This is what crushes are for.
2. Dating more than one person is like being a ringmaster at a three-ring circus — having more than one crush is just plain practical. If you have a team of crushes, you can call in off the bench at any moment; your crush well will never run dry. Also, having just one crush is agonizing and puts too much pressure on the nonexistent relationship you share. Gotta maintain a well-rounded crush roster at all times.
3. You will never stay up all night crying over a crush. A crush won’t break your heart, because you don’t give your heart to a crush. A crush is no longer a crush once you discuss love (or really even just like). That is a relationship, and that is what we’re trying to avoid here.
4. You will never be bored if you can locate and identify a crush everywhere you go. Stuck in the waiting room at the doctor’s office? Bored at a weird party your friend made you come to? Find a crush! Do some eye-flirting. Do some talk-flirting. Do some “oh, did my arm just graze your butt, haha, oops” flirting. Do all the flirting. Flirting is way better than iPhone games.
5. A crush is a good way to keep your smooch game on point while you’re between relationships. How do you get good at kissing? You kiss a lot. Your lip and tongue muscles aren’t going to atrophy between relationships, but the best way to get good at kissing is to kiss a bunch of people and learn new tricks.
6. You never have to tell your crush how you feel about them, because that would be weird, and crushes are best kept as secrets shared among friends. Saying, “Hey, I like u,” can sort of feel like a contract, and it definitely comes with some sort of emotional responsibility. If you keep your crush feelings a secret from your crush, you’re totally unaccountable for your actions. Maybe this seems morally reprehensible, but remember, they don’t have any obligations to you either (except to look hot and stay crushable).
7. And because crushes are secrets, having a crush is only exhilarating and never boring because you’re always wondering, “OMG, do they have a crush on me too?” That slight dose of jittery, nervous energy you get when you’re around a crush is the best. It’s not quite anxiety, which would be bad, because you know that if your crush doesn’t crush you back, that’s fine! You’ve got other crushes you can focus on. And you can always just find a new one tomorrow.
8. You can practice your flirt moves on crushes, just so you know you still got it. Are you having a day where you feel gross and ugly and like no one will ever love you again? Get ye to a bar/coffee shop/any public place and find an innocent crush to flirt with. A quick flirty interaction with a hot stranger can be a total confidence boost, and sometimes that’s all you need.
9. You can think about how there are probably 15 people who currently have a crush on you without feeling guilty or anything. You are hot and great and totally crushworthy. There are probably so many people thinking about kissing you RIGHT THIS SECOND. Crush Land in your 20s is like a merry-go-round of feelings that only ends when you want it to.
10. Unlike in elementary school, you don’t have to be trapped with your 20 minutes every day at recess, forced to come up with new ways of showing your subtle interest. Honestly you can only try to hide with someone in hide ‘n’ seek so many times before the jig is up. You go more places and know more people in your 20s than you did ever before, and that means the likelihood that you’ll see your crush every day and be forced to come up with covert, new flirting mechanisms is so small.
11. You only have to talk about fun things, like your favorite music and which woman you want to win this season’s Bachelor, with your crush and never have to discuss anything serious. At the end of a stressful week, why would you want to spend any more time worrying about work, or how you haven’t been calling your mom enough, or whatever else is on your mind? You only need to talk about fun, light, flirty things with your crush. Every conversation feels new and exciting, because it is. Flirting with a crush is like going a on a little vacation to a world where there are no problems, everyone is hot, and sometimes, kissing happens. What’s better than that?
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