Don’t get caught off guard!
We call it “dropping the bomb” syndrome and it usually follows the same pattern: One partner believes everything is going along fine when suddenly, the other spouse announces the marriage is over — finished, done, period.
It turns out — things were far from fine. There was a lot of denial going on, a lot of saying “yes” when you meant “no,” and a lot of unexpressed anger simmering just below the surface. When that simmer reaches a boil, the bomb drops.
While women initiate divorce more often than men, I find husbands are more likely to walk out (end things) unexpectedly, leaving their wives in shock, disbelief and anger at being left. The resulting collateral damage on children and extended family only widens the circle of pain.
How can you really know if your husband is happily married? Is there a way to tell if your marriage is bomb proof? When he says “I love you” can you believe it?
Here are 12 powerful ways to know your husband is truly happy in your marriage:
1. He feels noticed and appreciated him. Research show men want to feel appreciated and how much they do (or don’t) is a prime measure of how happily married they are.
2. He knows he can confide in you without being judged or criticized. This kind of self-disclosing communication is crucially important because it builds trust and commitment.
3. He knows that you desire him because you express that desire sexually. No matter how much a man enjoys sex, it’s a turnoff to feel like he’s the only one interested.
4. He likes how he feels about himself when he is with you. Your affectionate attention outside of the bedroom, (compliments, praise, hugs, warm touches, saying “I love you”) makes him feel good about himself and endears you to him.
5. He knows you will not tolerate bad behavior on his part. He knows your love is real and respects you because he knows your love is not based on submissive compliance.
6. He likes that you need him, but that you aren’t “needy.” Relying on each other is a part of a healthy relationship, but being “needy” (overly dependent) creates control and the desire to flee from it.
7. He likes that you care about looking attractive in your own way. He doesn’t expect you to look like a Hollywood starlet, but seeing that you care about your appearance makes him feel you value yourself and the relationship.
8. He feels respected and admired by you. Love and respect go hand in hand. Feeling admired by the one you love enhances self-esteem; it renews both sexual and emotional passion between you two.
9. He never feels belittled or humiliated by you. When you are angry and don’t resort to personal attacks, he feels safe and open to hearing your reasons for being upset.
10. He trusts you to let go of the past. You don’t hold grudges, keep score or consistently feel victimized by life. This makes your marriage flexible rather than rigid, exciting rather than dull and open for a future of growing together.
11. He knows that he’s a top priority in your life. Your husband wants to know he’s important to you. He’s comfortable taking a backseat to all you do and he’s confident that when he seriously needs you, you’ll be there for him 100%.
12. He appreciates your kindness to his family. No one gets to choose their family and many have problems. When you make a genuine effort to accept his, he feels respected and valued by you.