How to speed things up and leave her satisfied.
You bang a jar on a counter to help open it up. But a woman is not a jar, warns Emily Morse, a doctor of human sexuality and host of the popular sex podcast Sex with Emily. Her point: You can’t just bang your partner harder to help her achieve a speedier orgasm.
“Sometimes it doesn’t matter how hard you’re thrusting or how long you’ve been going at it, a woman’s pleasure is not an exact science,” says Morse. Instead, showing how much you yearn for her might be your key to the elusive female orgasm. “For a woman to open up and experience sexual pleasure, she needs to feel desired by you.” Unfortunately, sex alone is not enough to make her feel desired.
If you seem in a hurry to get off — or to get her off — that will only slow things down. So how do you speed things along without slowing down her engine? Follow these 4 hot tips.
Pre-Heat Her Oven
“Foreplay starts after her last orgasm,” Morse says. Sending your girl texts mentioning the parts of your last hookup that most turned you on will jumpstart her sense of anticipation and excitement for the next time you’re together, she says. “Knowing how much you want her — and what you plan to do to her — will get her that much more aroused.” And that will make your job a lot easier when the real fun begins.
Don’t Forgo Foreplay
For guys, foreplay is just a prelude — a fun (but not that fun) teaser you have to get through before the main event. Not so for women, Morse says. Kissing, touching, caressing, and oral and manual stimulation will help her reach climax quickly once you’re inside of her, she says. If you have the time, Morse recommends at least 20 minutes of foreplay before you move on to sex.
But if you want to speed things up, mix in some dirty talk. “For many women, words are aphrodisiacs — especially when those words are full of affirmations that fill her need to feel sexy,” she says. Her advice: “Paint a verbal picture of all the things you want to do to her while whispering in her ear. Your warm breath on her ear will send chills down her spine.” (Here are 6 more ways to surprise her sexually.)
Attend to Her Friend
“Most women don’t regularly orgasm from intercourse alone,” Morse says. Along with the old in-and-out, your partner probably requires some extra clitoral stimulation in order to climax. Use your fingers to gently stimulate her clitoris (the secret to the female orgasm), and encourage her to touch herself as well, Morse suggests. Positions like the clitoral alignment technique (a.k.a. “The Cat”) or any configuration where she’s on top can also help ensure the angle of your thrusts is providing plenty of stimulation to her most sensitive areas, Morse adds.
Grab a Gadget
Don’t abandon your love of tablets, smartphones, and all things tech when you enter the bedroom. Vibrating penis rings and wand-like devices can help you stimulate her erogenous zones with minimal effort — speeding her toward orgasm. “Vibrators are fun and easy to use, whether during foreplay or the main course,” Morse says.