There are about a zillion reasons why mind-blowing orgasms can feel out of reach: You don’t have enough time for foreplay, your partner’s not hitting the right spot, the dog won’t stop jumping up on the bed.
But for a lot of women, the biggest struggle is keeping their head in the (sex) game. While dudes can simply think, ‘I will have sex now,’ and immediately go into getting-jiggy mode, our minds tend to wander.
Luckily, one thing that could make a big difference is meditation, says sexologist Tammy Nelson, Ph.D. “Meditation is a great way to reduce stress and get more in touch with your body,” she says. “It will give you more energy for sex, intensify arousal, and help you feel present.” Sign. Us. Up.
Here’s why it works: Lots of us bail on sex because we’re exhausted from a stressful day. But research shows meditation can reduce anxiety and cause the stress hormone cortisol to plummet. And when stress drops, our senses perk up, says meditation expert Emily Fletcher, founder of Ziva Meditation.
When your body is in fight-or-flight mode from stress, your senses aren’t as strong, says Fletcher. But when you’re calm, you can taste, touch, feel, smell, and hear more more intensely, says Fletcher. (Hello, spine-tingling contractions down below.) Meditation helps train your brain to slow down and zero in on those sensations that push you over the edge.
Since the benefits of meditation are cumulative, you’ll reach o-town faster if you ohm out on a daily basis. Though Fletcher says that taking a classmight fast-track your learning progress, we asked her for a few pointers to get you started.
Check out her tips below and start practicing first thing in the morning—before coffee, breakfast, or your computer, she says.
For newbies: Sit upright with your back supported and focus on your breathing or concentrate on the word “one” as an anchor. After five minutes is up (anymore and you’ll get frustrated—keep it short!) spend one to two minutes thinking about everything in life you’re grateful for.
Practice coming to your senses: This mindfulness technique can be done in the shower or while walking to work. Focus on the most prevalent sound you can detect, then notice the most prominent physical sensation. Next, move through what you can see, what you can smell, and finally, what you can taste, says Fletcher. Then, try to hold those five senses in your brain all at once. (If you’re uber-distracted during sex, you can try this for 30 seconds to a minute to get back in the zone.)